Honor your lineage, men
Healthy masculine virtues are all but gone from our world. To build and lead unbreakable families, we men must reconnect with what was lost and honor the lineage we belong to.
It is in our nature as men to be stubborn.
Before we arrive at a certain level of mastery, we tend to carry deeply entrenched beliefs that asking for help is weakness, and that we must do things our own way.
This belief, which paradoxically goes away when we become more masterful, makes us run in circles, too proud to ask for help, and too scared and confused to take the next step on our own.
When we aspire to build Unbreakable families, it isn’t possible to persist with such self-destructive patterns, and we are challenged to confront the sense of unworthiness that drives our efforts to prove ourselves.
To build families that will endure through these times, I believe we must transcend the need for superficial validation from the world of Man, and pursue instead validation from our mortal and spiritual lineages.
Let’s go looking for it.
We have become selfish, lost boys
With cultural power players having laid siege to masculinity for several decades now, it is predictable that it is in decline.
As a result, the journey towards becoming a courageous, strong, outspoken man has become associated with all kinds of threats against society, creating tremendous confusion inside modern men.
Our masculine soul is desperate to become fully embodied men, but our ego-minds are desperate to be safe and “non-toxic”, and that leaves us in an inner battle between mental concepts and embodied instincts.
Divided against ourselves, we struggle with getting to a place of feeling “ready”.
A man is 40 years old, but “not ready for a relationship”.
He is 50 years old, “living a life of freedom without children”.
Let’s be honest — this is undignified.
As we age, we are meant to become benevolent blessing patriarchs, and self-centeredness should be exorcised from our lives.
But where are the men who embrace that path these days?
Moving beyond dishonor
When I recently spoke with Marina Moore Weems about her late uncle Dr Robert Moore1, she told me of the many people who have appropriated Dr Moore’s work without giving him credit.
Marina’s testimony reminded me of the great dishonor that has come to characterize the lives of many men, and I have myself experienced other men appropriating my work as their own, which simply wouldn’t happen had they an internal honor code.
How is honor developed?
In large part by respecting the lineages you belong to.
Your father represents your biological lineage, though you have other lineages too, and Dr Robert Moore is a central lineage holder for many of us.
Even if you had a crappy father, there is something to honor about him, if only that he gave you life. It is important to do so, for our lineage represents our roots into the past, and without growing them strong, we will lack the nutrients to develop a mature masculine soul.
To reclaim your place in your lineage is to open the stream of blessing waters into your heart and soul yet again.
“If you are not with your father at all times of the day, and at all times of the year,
a hole will appear in the son’s psyche. And that hole does not fill with little Bambis, and Walt Disney movies. It fills with demons.”
— Alexander Mitscherlich
Becoming a lineage holder
A lineage is a line of people that runs through the ages, connected by blood or something more ineffable like a philosophy, spiritual practice or religion.
Ideally, the line through the ages is maintained through formal lineage transmissions to the next generation, though in our culture, that rarely happens.
Men’s work has in large part aimed to repair the wound of missing lineage transmissions from fathers to sons, yet that work has not progressed as fast as culture has regressed, so things are going backwards.
Though why would we as men dishonor our lineage by refusing to be a part of it?
Why would we willingly sever the roots that feeds the lineage with the hope that the leaves alone will keep the tree alive?
We do so because of the spirit of rebellion.
Nurturing our own pain at the altar of victimhood, we are disconnected from the larger organism of the lineage. We are a leaf without nutrients, about to go adrift on the wind.
And yet, we cannot be something of value for others until we can transmit the fruits of true lineage to them.
Fatherhood itself is a lineage. We are fathers because we once were sons, and our fatherhood will only be as good as our forgiveness of our own father’s failings.
The three lineages you should honor are as follows:
Your spiritual lineage, as a child of God. Heal and embrace your relationship with your Creator to never feel alone again. (Human spiritual guides can also be included here.)
Your biological lineage, as a son of your father and mother. Forgive them and bless them, and let their life and memory become portals for life giving blessing waters.
Your work lineage, as the mentee of many mentors and student of many teachers, you thank them for their contributions, however imperfect.
Embracing these lineages opens connection from the leaf of the tree (you) down into the roots (your ancestors).
And if the lineage is already fractured from past generations, more work is required, but it is work that can be done.
Living with honor
As you become a lineage holder by honoring and representing those who gave birth to you—spiritually, bodily, professionally—you come to a place of honor and dignity in life which is unknown to most men.
You do that be paying your respects to the men and women whose work you pull on in your own work.
You do it by paying your respects to God the Father.
You do it by paying your respects to your parents and ancestors.
I don’t mean this metaphorically. This is best done explicitly.
Do not hide where you come from in a sad effort to look like a self-made man.
Give credit where credit is due.
For without you honoring your elders, how can you expect to be honored in turn?
The surest way to be honored as an elder is to be an elder worth honoring. Not for your own selfish needs for validation, but for the integrity of the lineage.
When you become the man who reawakens the lineage and makes it desirable to be a part of, the blessing, dignity and honor that will be yours is going to make your life and death a rich experience full of grace and gratitude.
Note: Back when I hosted Reclaim your Inner Throne, lineage work was a huge part of it. I may be resurrecting the initiation in a Christ-centered context, and if so, the opportunity to heal your lineage with my guidance will return.
Second interview with Marina Moore Weems: Youtube video